pic source: http://forum.baby-gaga.com/about281878.html
On the Fourth of July, while others celebrated,
I suffered in silence….
While others were making plans on what BBQ to go to or what Fireworks show to see,
I sat alone and wondered Why?
Why did I have to lose a child I so badly wanted…..
I went through an array of emotions…. I felt alone because I did not know how to speak the words that expressed my sadness… I kept it to myself because I didn’t think it could be real to anyone else… At some point I decided to let it be known and then I felt even more alone….. How can anyone understand I lost a child that was never born…
I couldn’t understand why me?? At first anger took a hold and I wondered why I couldn’t have a child I wanted while others choose to abort the ones they never planned…. Or kill the ones they did birth…. How could anyone understand my loss when to many a child is not a living being until they are born, how could anyone take my pain seriously… I can’t even bury a baby, yet I feel the loss, I mourn the loss, and I feel robbed of all the memories that could have been…
Still today, I mourn the loss, I wonder what I could have done differently…..Oftentimes, I blame myself and that blame has not subsided….
I hurt because I love that child that was never born, never named, never buried…..thus to many that child never existed…..
How do you get past that????
Pic source: http://moldingmindshomeschool.blogspot.com/2010/10/pregnancy-and-infant-loss-awareness.html